From the Mailbag: Is this right for us?

 Q: We have been reading through your posts and while we have discussed this for some time, I can't get myself to take the leap into doing it for real. How do you know when you are ready?

A: First I'm glad you said "we". That shows both of you are on this path together. This is not for everyone and many couples never go beyond the fantasy stage. It can be very erotic just exploring the idea and maybe incorporate toys without having to bring a third person in.

To answer your specific question of how do you know when you are ready there are some basic ideas to consider when it comes to inviting another male to have a sexual role in a relationship. You must have a functional, loving relationship; cuckolding doesn’t fix broken relationships.

You must be able to communicate openly and fully trust each other. 

You must each have confidence in their relationship and feel the addition of bull will enhance your bond and sex life together. 

You must understand the desires and concerns of your spouse as well as your own. Compromise is necessary.

If you can check off all of the above and still wonder if you are ready, try to identify what is holding you back. There are always reasons to hesitate. To even know where to start with countering it, one has to know what those reasons are.

Usually it's one or more the following:

• self-confidence issues
• moral/ethical/religious reservations
• what will ‘others’ think?
• family/children concerns
• safety/health concerns
• threat to the marriage

If you can identify the issues, you can talk about them and either address your concerns or accept it may be a barrier you are not able to get past yet. The worst thing you can do is rush things before you are both ready and many are never ready. That's okay to. 

I hope that helps